Maybe it’s the weather, rainy, cool, and gloomy. Maybe it’s because summer has come to an end, the days shorter, the promise of snow in our futures. Maybe it’s because, for the first time in five years, I’m not back in school. Whatever it is, its causing a feeling of melancholy.
It’s likely a combination of all of those things and more. I am really missing the first days of school though. The syllabuses to read, the anticipation of learning new things, the calendar to organize, the new books (oh, the new books!!!) to buy and peruse, all added a feeling of newness and excitement to life. The people, teachers and students alike opened windows to worlds I could only imagine in an atmosphere that somehow encouraged openness and sharing, the rapid building of friendships.
Don’t get me wrong, I do have exciting things going on in my life, things that would be quite impossible to maintain if school were part of life’s mix. There is travelling to do, especially since our Edmonton family moved to Ottawa. There is time to spend with those I love without the need to rush off to another class an hour and a half away. There are tandem bike rides through the countryside. There are lots of things to do here at home, things to build, to fix, to prepare for. There are books to read and conversations to have. There are sermons to write, a congregation to love, classes to teach, meeting to attend, the trouble of a burnt church to weave through. There are rations to run, farmers looking for advice, a training session to speak at.
I even went and joined a choir just so I could sing the Messiah this Christmas.
Life is full.
But still, with all the fullness, there is a little hole looking to be filled.