Way back in 2010, when I was still employed full-time and looking at a different path in life, I wrote some words about calling. Reading them again today, I find that while I have moved down the road quite a long way, I still don’t really know where I am going. There is a general, meandering, direction and a sense of moving toward something, but the something is still an elusive target.
A little later in 2010, I wrote that ” “It’s the journey that’s important, not the destination” and I still feel that the statement is true, but, what happens when the journey seems to be coming to a point of further decision, when a destination has been reached? How do you figure out which way to turn next?
My life is coming to such a crossroads. Ten months from now I should have an MDiv in hand and I will have completed all of the requirements for candidacy in the Christian Reformed Church. I can extend my time of uncertainty by taking a couple of more courses next summer, add those to the extra courses that I have taken to meet CRC requirements, and complete an MA in Biblical Studies. With this “extension” I will still need to make some decisions about life, direction, and calling by next fall. The intersection in the road is not that far away.
It’s not that I’m without options, in fact there may be too many choices, making the job of choosing the right one more difficult. I could choose to go back to the feed industry. This is not a likely choice, but the work that I do through Threefold Consulting continues to be rewarding, so I’m not convinced that I should totally abandon this part of my life. I could seek a call to full-time ministry in a CRC somewhere. I know I could do a good job here as well, but, after a couple of years with a lot of freedom, I’m not sure that going back to a structured life with full-time commitments is all that appealing. (Callings should be appealing, shouldn’t they? I know, the answer is, “not necessarily”). I guess what I am hoping to see in my future is something that is outside the ordinary, something that I may not yet have seen or thought of, something that will allow me to use my gifts, something that I could in some way share with J, something to aim toward in the next months.
I truly believe I have been called to walk on the road I am on. I also believe there is a purpose, a role, in all of it. I just wish it was a little bit more visible, so this meandering journey I’ve been on for the past three years, would take on some definition.